Rock and Roll, and a Prayer

 

‘You can’t always get what you want,

But if you try sometime you just might find,

You get what you need’

Mick Jagger, 1968

 

I can’t recall how many times I have heard this song, but these words are forever embedded in my brain, coming to forefront of my thoughts from time to time.

There was the time about 10 years ago, when my neurosurgical practice was in disarray and I was facing many obstacles. I actually had seriously considered quitting practicing altogether. Through the course of many events I found myself at a men’s retreat at my parish church. Early in the morning of the first day I sat, somewhat nervously, at a table with about 7 or 8 others. Joe, our group leader quickly made me feel at ease, as he was the embodiment of love and acceptance, seeing the good in everyone. We started out the morning reading a scripture from the bible, one I should remember but I cannot. Joe asked us what we thought Jesus was saying to us in that particular passage. Almost immediately and without thinking, I said, ‘You can’t always get what you want, you get what you need’.

As it turned out, by the end of the weekend I discovered that what I did for a living was not merely a job it was a vocation.  I had been given the talents to help and heal others and this was truly a gift from God. And even when my hands could not heal my patient’s bodies I was in a unique position to help them emotionally or spiritually. And while I had ‘wanted’ to quit doing it I realized what I ‘needed’ to do was to fight through whatever adversity I had because in relative terms they were minor in comparison to the problems of the patients I was asked to treat.

For many years I thought of neurosurgery as a means to inflate my ego and to monetarily provide me with the lifestyle I wanted. But now, I came to the realization of my true purpose as a brain surgeon; that there were a great many more things I was not only capable of but had a responsibility to integrate into my practice and my life.

Many of us, me included think we know what we want even to the point of praying for it. We certainly don’t want to get sick or get a brain tumor but it happens anyway…

On Wednesday I saw a woman in the office, Kathy Poster who is 62 and is a diabetic. “A brittle diabetic’ she told me. By this she meant that her diabetes was extremely hard to control…that her blood sugar could be over 600 or less than 50, before she would even know it. She told me that she frequently would wind up in the hospital for days on end when her diabetes got out of control which happened regularly. Though she had been diagnosed about 10 years ago she is considered a Type I diabetic.

To look at her you wouldn’t think she had diabetes. She is thin and without any other medical problems. In fact when her doctor in Massachusetts sat down with her to tell her she had diabetes, she said, ‘you’re full of s___, no one in my family has diabetes so how could I have it.’ I told her while I had Type II diabetes I had the same reaction, only I didn’t use the ‘s’ word.

But with being repeatedly sick and in the hospital with diabetes Kathy had become angry and depressed. ‘Why couldn’t this one or that one (in my family) have gotten it instead of me’, pointing her finger back and forth as if those family members were sitting in front of her.

But as of late, with help, she had learned to let go of her anger and in fact she had me smiling and laughing the entire time she sat in my office.

So how is it that any good can come from Kathy Post having diabetes or Tom Tremain (March 8, 2010) (or any of the other patients I take care of)  having a malignant brain tumor and how is it that any of this can be can possibly be what we need. I guess it just depends upon our perspective. As I have mentioned before, we often hang on to our life here on earth with clenched fists and anything that diverts us from our ‘wants’, be it sickness or family turmoil often times causes us to become angry and to grip tighter.

‘We know that in everything God works for

good with those who love him, who are

called according to his purpose’

(The letter of Saint Paul to the) Romans 8:28

 

Yesterday I had a talk with my son because he had disobeyed his mother. I explained to him that his mother and I were placed here on earth by God to take care of him and to guide him until he was able to take care of himself (or until our guidance was no longer needed, though I did not tell him this). I went on to tell him that when he disrespected his parents he was also making Jesus unhappy too, because God was the one who picked his mother and I to take care of him. He seemed to understand and appreciate what I had said and then went about swimming in the pool.

I know that when God’s use of me as a neurosurgeon is done then something likely will happen that will prevent me from continuing to practice. And I know that when God’s use of me here on earth is done He will take me. When that time comes it may be a sad time for those I leave behind or it may be a time that was anticipated and embraced by those that remain. Either way I have to believe that it will be for the ‘good’ and ‘according to his purpose’  

I’m not certain if Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were trying to be philosophical or even spiritual, or whether the verse just sounded right but I don’t think many rock lyrics have ever been as close to something Jesus might have said than these.

In fact, He did… '"And in praying do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father in heaven knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then like this:

Our Father who art in heaven

Hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come,

Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us our daily bread;

And forgive us our trespasses, as we have forgiven those who trespass against us;

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil"'

Matthew 6: 7-13

Comments

[kathy]

Awesome Hal!

[Hal Colbassani, MD]

Thanks Kathy. Though at times I find it difficult to persevere (and I guess we are all, at times like Thomas), it is always good to know my stories and the message behind them is appreciated.